my ex is threatening to kill me what should i do

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Breaking up is difficult enough under normal circumstances, and if your before long-to-be-ex is threatening to hurt or kill themselves, ending the relationship can seem impossible. Information technology's of import to realize that someone who threatens to commit suicide after a breakdown is emotionally blackmailing y'all.^[1] Their threats might make you feel guilty, scared, or angry, but you can (and should) still end things with them. In that location are a few ways you can minimize their risk of hurting themselves in the process. Start by having an honest talk with the person. Throughout the breakdown, exist mindful of their safety likewise as your own, and don't forget to accept care of your emotional health.

1. 1

   Emphasize that you care nigh the other person. ^[two] Tell your beau or girlfriend that they are still important to you, even though you're breaking up. Let them know that you don't want them to injure themselves.

   • Say something like, "I nevertheless really intendance nigh you, and I'm sorry this is so hard for y'all." Yous might likewise say, "Information technology hurts me to hear you say yous'll injure yourself. Fifty-fifty though our relationship isn't working out, I all the same believe you are a wonderful person."
   • Understand that they may not believe y'all when you say this. Let them know what you are willing to do for them, merely do not feel pressured to exercise something you're not comfy with.

2. two

   Avert getting into an argument. Don't challenge or debate with your fellow or girlfriend nigh their suicide threats. If they experience like y'all aren't taking them seriously, they may hurt themselves just to show y'all wrong.^[3]

   • For example, avert proverb something like, "You don't really hateful that," or, "You're just saying that to brand me experience bad." Instead, yous might say, "I'm distressing that you are thinking this way."
   • You can besides avoid an argument by using "I" statements, such as "I am unhappy in this relationship" rather than "You don't brand me happy," which may make the person defensive.^[iv]
   • Proceed your tone of voice soft and low. Maintain open body language with your artillery and legs relaxed at your sides. When y'all raise your voice and use intimidating torso language (e.thousand. crossed arms or balled fists), an statement is more likely to occur.

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3. 3

   Maintain your boundaries. Let your boyfriend or girlfriend know that you're not going to change your heed.^[v] Recapitulate the reason why you want to pause up. Be as kind as y'all can, merely don't be wishy-washy.^[6]

   • You could say something like, "I can't cede my long-term goals to stay in this relationship, even though I think yous're a dandy person with a lot to offer."

4. 4

   Remind the person that their choices are their own. Tell your beau or girlfriend that you can't command whether they kill themselves or not. Don't let them push the blame onto you.^[vii]

   • For instance, if your soonhoped-for ex says, "When I'chiliad gone, it volition be your mistake," you could reply, "I don't want you to kill yourself, merely that's your choice to make, not mine. I can't control what y'all exercise."

5. 5

   Tell the person they are divers by more than a relationship with you lot. Remind your boyfriend or girlfriend of their adept qualities, their talents, and their interests. Tell them they don't need another person to ascertain or consummate them.^[8]

   • For case, say something similar, "I know it'south hard to think about now, but y'all're a lot more just half of our human relationship. You're going to go to veterinary school and do adept things with your life. In fourth dimension, you'll even be happy with somebody else."
   • Remind them that other people care about them too. When you do this, list specific people who tin support them during this fourth dimension.

6. 6

   Help the person find the resources they demand. ^[ix] Find a suicide hotline that your boyfriend or girlfriend can call for back up. Encourage them to talk to a therapist or counselor, and help them find contact information for mental health services in your area.^[10]

   • In the U.S., the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline tin can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. This hotline is free, confidential, and staffed effectually the clock.^[11]
   • Crisischat.org is an online text-based culling to phone hotlines. Trained experts are available from 2 PM to two AM, Mon through Lord's day.
   • Wikipedia has a listing of suicide crisis lines for countries outside the U.S.^[12]

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1. 1

   Take the person's threat seriously. Don't ignore your boyfriend or girlfriend's threat or assume they're bluffing. They could exist, but it's always better to be safe than distressing. Assume they are serious and act accordingly.^[13]

   • If y'all the person makes vague threats of suicide, offering to take them to the local emergency room or call a suicide crisis hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
   • Telephone call a friend or family member to come be with the person.^[14]
   • Don't exit them unsupervised, but don't think you have to exist the i with them. You lot don't want them to call up that suicide threats are the only mode to get your attention.

2. 2

   Call 911 in an emergency. If you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is in immediate danger of hurting themselves or someone else, phone call the police immediately. Don't worry well-nigh whether you might accept misread the situation – information technology'south always better err hither on the side of safety.^[fifteen]

   • Effort to find out their location before you phone call the police. Do non let them know that you are calling the police when you do so. This will aid the police reach them in a timely way.

3. 3

   Warning the person's family or friends. If you are fearful of your partner'southward safety, brand certain someone volition wait out for your ex after you lot break things off. Contact one or ii of their family members, friends, or roommates, and tell them virtually your concerns. Ask them to be present in the household so they can offering extra support subsequently the breakdown.^[xvi]

   • Say something like, "Hey, I know this isn't a fun thing to talk about, merely I'm going to intermission upwardly with Emily this evening. She's threatening to hurt herself, and I'yard worried. Will you come over so she has support once I leave?"
   • Avoid leaving until others take arrived and then that you can be certain the person is safe.
   • Choose people you know are close to your presentlyhoped-for-ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

4. four

   Go to a safe identify if you experience endangered. Sometimes threats of cocky-impairment tin can be a sign that a person has a bigger problem with violence. If you feel threatened at any betoken during your breakdown, leave the state of affairs. Terminate breaking up on the phone if yous need to.^[17]

   • If your swain or girlfriend has a history of violence, break up with them over the phone or in a public place.
   • Put your ain safety first in a unsafe situation, even if you're agape for the other person.

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1. 1

   Remind yourself why the breakup is necessary. If you feel your resolve wavering, recall that no good volition come up out of staying in an unhealthy relationship. Y'all'll but feel trapped and resentful if you lot stay. Someone who tries to manipulate you by threatening self-harm volition somewhen observe other ways to manipulate you, also.^[eighteen]

2. ii

   Avoid holding yourself responsible for any the person does. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is putting you in a terrible emotional position by threatening suicide if you break up, but that doesn't make their actions your fault. Remind yourself that they are their ain person. You can't command them or make decisions for them.^[nineteen]

   • If you are struggling with guilt after the breakup, information technology may be helpful to talk to a counselor.

3. 3

   Make the breakup final. Afterward y'all terminate the relationship, move on and don't look dorsum. Avoid getting back together with your ex, even if yous miss them. Both of you lot need time and space to grieve the loss of the relationship, and dragging the breakup process out will only make healing more difficult for both of you.^[20]

   • Yous should remove them from your social media profiles.
   • Ask mutual friends not to talk to y'all about your ex.
   • If you need to communicate with your ex, choose one fashion that they tin can achieve y'all, such as by text or past electronic mail.

4. 4

   Rely on your friends and family for support. You exercise not take to become through this breakup lone. Reach out to friends and family members for aid and support. Ask them if they are willing to talk with yous when you are feeling down. If you have second thoughts, they can convince you that breaking up is for the all-time.^[21]

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Article Summary X

Breaking up with someone who is threatening suicide tin exist scary and stressful, just you tin can make the breakup every bit smooth as possible by emphasizing that you care about them. For example, say something similar, "Information technology hurts me to hear you lot say you'll hurt yourself. Even though our relationship isn't working out, I still believe you are a wonderful person." To give them an outlet for their feelings, provide them with the number for a suicide hotline and encourage them to talk to someone most their feelings so they know they're not alone. You lot can too contact 1 or 2 of their shut friends or family members to make sure someone is at that place to support your ex. Once you've broken up with them, requite the person time and infinite then they can start the recovery procedure without constant reminders of you. For more tips from our co-writer, including how to bargain with your own emotions after a breakup, read on!

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